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How To Get $$$ Instead of Gifts
"Engaged couples are always talking about it -- many definitely prefer cash gifts. But how to tell guests -- or parents, who are often so set on a trip to the registry to purchase traditional gifts like
china, silver, and crystal?
Whether you're getting married for the first time and would rather have a lump sum to put toward your first home, or you're remarrying and have long since set up house,
extra money, rather than multiple toasters, is certainly a nice thing to think about. The truth is that quite a few of us have already accrued all kinds of appliances and amenities to outfit our lives. But
there are very few who couldn't use a helping hand toward buying a home or new car. That's when money may be the most useful, thoughtful, and appreciated gift of all. Don't deny it -- you're salivating just
thinking about that pile of checks you hope you'll have post-wedding, and how the two of you will sit there with a calculator adding it all up. Fun!
Time was when the mavens of manners and other divas
of doing the right thing turned up their noses at the thought of giving money as a gift. But today, there are plenty of people who can't think of a more appropriate present for two people just starting out
in their new, shared life. In fact, gifts of money have long been considered proper and acceptable in different regions of the country, as well as among different cultures. Guests invited to a Korean wedding
often present envelopes containing cash or checks to the parents of the bride, who in turn present the money to the newlywed couple. Guests at a Chinese wedding often hand the bride monetary presents in red
envelopes (red symbolizes love and joy). There's an Italian custom called ""The Grand March"" -- the wedding reception ends with a receiving line in which the couple gives each guest a
sweet in exchange for an envelope of money. During the traditional Polish ""Dollar Dance,"" guests literally buy a dance with the bride by pinning money to her veil or dress. There's no
question that gifts of money and weddings are certainly no strangers.
These days, there are actual registries set up around the concept of monetary gifts -- including the Bridal Registry Account,
created by no less than the federal department of Housing and Urban Development! Couples can open a bridal registry savings account with participating Federal Housing Administration-approved banks
nationwide. Family and friends can then deposit cash wedding gifts directly into the interest-bearing account (call 800/CALL-FHA for more information).
If you decide to set up such an account, or
simply want your guests to know that you'd prefer checks -- let your parents, close relatives and friends, and wedding-party members know that when guests ask, they can tell them that. But don't completely
forego *some* sort of traditional registry. Give guests a choice -- some may really want to give you something material, rather than just writing you a check. And it's not as if you *wouldn't* want some cool
new stuff from the department store or places like Crate & Barrel and Williams-Sonoma, right? Just bite the bullet, guys.
Several quick tips: If anyone asks, checks *before* the wedding should be
made out to the bride OR groom (i.e., they should use the bride's maiden name, if she's planning to change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em
easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done. As far as checks brought to the reception -- put someone in charge of collecting them. The best man is a good bet. You might even want to make him and the
maid of honor responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your honeymoon -- they can even deposit them into your account for you, as long as they make a list of who gave you what first!
The one potentially awkward thing about a cash gift is that there's no hiding how big or small that present is. But the thought behind each one remains the same -- and your thanks shouldn't vary in size,
either.
-- Tracy L. Guth"
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